So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize
