No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
