i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
