just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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