I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I FOUND THE LEGS
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
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