tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
