My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
