Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
