The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
