Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
