I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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