I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
