Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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