It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
