i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
