Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I'm at about main and main street
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
