even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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