I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
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