Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
