there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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