someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
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