Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
