he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
