she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Randomize
