If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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