i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Randomize
