even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
you would pick up someone in the library
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
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