he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
