i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
You may now shotgun with the bride
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
