that's an acceptable place to lick
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
This is my gift to your gina
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
