That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
