and next time when you feel me up, do it right
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
