you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
