you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Randomize
