I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Randomize
