Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
