My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
