It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
