I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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