Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
