when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I got inside last night via doggy door
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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