And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize
