I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
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So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
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If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
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