This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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