So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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