Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
