I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
