You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Randomize
