im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
