Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
They are going to name an STD after you.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
