As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
