Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
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