ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
You took a bar mat shot.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Randomize
