Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
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