i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
