Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
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I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
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Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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