wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
