The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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