i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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