and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
