You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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