She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
