bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I want to be your penis for a week.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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