I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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