If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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