I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
