It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
