piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
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