and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
