When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
