1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
