I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
stop calling my apartment porn island.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
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