Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
